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Prepping to wear Dragonair was actually really hard. Harder than Ming really.

You think I’m kidding? I’m not.

As some of you may or may not have known: I had major self esteem issues growing up. I didn’t like being feminine before college because boys were stronger, taken more seriously, and girls were catty bitches. I didn’t give a shit about my hair, didn’t wear makeup, and dresses were ‘special occasion’ things. Going to college (and especially an all girls school) really helped me come out of my shell a bit more. Sure I was the top 5% of my graduating High School class, but I realized I belittled myself because of the bullies I grew up with and the way I was treated. It was better to be invisible while being smart.

Even when I started cosplaying I was still hiding in fear of harassment. All of my beginner characters were males: Xigbar, Xemnas, Xehanort, Dr. Crane- even my first female was Washu where I didn’t care about my hip size or breast size. They were comfortable non-feminine characters (Washu was a child so it didn’t count in my eyes.) I didn’t wear a dress cosplay that showed cleavage until I commissioned my mother to help me make Summoner, and for me that was a huge fucking leap.

Now lets get back on track: But Vicious, you seem really comfortable cosplaying, how could a bathing-suit be an issue?

When I was first plotting Dragonair the suit wasn’t fully the issue, but it was part of the entire picture. We were joining up as a small group of cosplayers to make a water gijinka group in semi-secret. A few of these cosplayers in the group are extremely popular as well. I was actually really excited that my kohai KO Cosplay invited me in for the idea. But as the date grew closer, the rush of those dreadful self-esteem emotions came back.

I would be the big girl in an entire group of what society would deem as ‘sexy’ girls all in bathing-suit type costumes. I would be the only girl who fits into double digit sizes out of the group. All of a sudden I was thinking back to all of those lovely compare and contrasts I did with myself growing up. When the stress piled on attempting to finish the costume, those little cruel voices in my head grew: Would I look fat compared to my friends? Would they look at me and think me unworthy? Would I be ignored in our group because I was the big girl? How much harassment would I face when they posted photos including me in it? Two nights before Colossalcon I was in tears on aim with Octomobiki spilling out all of my self-doubt, which was less about my doubt in finishing the costume and more about feeling a fool for joining in the first place. But I put it together the best I could, and even got a suit on Amazon last minute so I could shoot and participate with my friends.

And you know what I got out of that? It was the most fun group I had at Colossal, and I regret none of it.

We had so much FUN and so many SHENANIGANS! The photographers shot all of us, including individually! We were all in the videos, no one was told to step aside! We all were playful and talking to each other without a single comment about body types or how things looked on people, and we were helpful to one another. These people were my friends and I felt stupid for thinking that they’d judge me standing next to them because of my waist size. I even had a moment retrieving a volleyball that had been sent out of bounds and the entire group of players were cheering on ‘the most beautiful Dragonair ever.’ We even dragged in my darling kohai Nyok Ren who had been iffy since my first invite to join for the exact same reasoning, and by the final shoot she was bouncing around as the most adorable little Piplup.

So what is my little lesson in this write up?
Everyone has self-esteem issues that retains to their bodies, including cosplayers, and you’re allowed to feel down about it. Nobody is perfect. But in it you must also find the positive in things that are hard for you to control. Losing weight for me is especially hard because I’m on birth control and- well- I fucking love the taste of food. But I try my best for me and not for others.

What’s more important with plotting costumes is finding that level of comfortability, and eventually giving it a small little shove. Ming was my first leap of faith for a character I wanted to do and expected to get so much flack for because of my weight and the amount of cleavage shown. Instead I have gotten some of the most amazing complements in that costume not only for the design, but for my courage to wear something like that.

And I had support, and I had friends who were there to make it fun. The real world and the internet will always be full of people who will look for excuses to tear you down, but these are only whispers of people who are only there for seconds. Instead you must remember those people who you care about who will hug you tight and tell you that you’re amazing, and you are special to them. These good people will be in your life far longer than that jackass under anon misspelling the word ‘you’re.’

If you have trouble finding those friends in a time of need? Send me an ask. Or even a fanmail if you follow me. My inbox is always open. <3   

For more information about the amazing cosplayers I worked with, check these out:
Naiiki | Hailey S Cosplay | ZacloudsethByndo Gekh | KO Cosplay | Nyok Ren Cosplay

Ah I didn’t realize it was you when you grabbed our volleyball for us! I still maintain that you made an adorable Dragonair and I’m glad you had a great experience with it!

HOLY FUCK PAIGE ITS A GOD DAMN SMALL WORLD <3<3

This is a lovely post that hits close to home. I’m glad you found friends who support you, op! <3

I find a lot of people come to our blog to ask us about how to feel confident in their bodies/costumes.  This is so well worded and better than what I could come up with— take heed, everyone! You are great just the way you are :)

feelinranty:

necessary-sass:

curlybrownboy:

belindapendragon:

kobetyrant:

HOW IS THIS NOT EVERYWHERE?

Reblogging this good news…again.

y’all know EXACTLY why this isn’t everywhere. don’t pretend to be oblivious

Well let’s spread the word then guys. This kid deserves all the attention.

"Ramarni, what will you do when you grow up?"

"Literally everything."

So excited when I hear stories like this because imagine what he will accomplish

(Source: lawdgevus)

strawberrinmatsuoka:

rebornica:

sonlco:

eniqmapopstar:

what

WHAT

WHAT

WHaT

(Source: righttrackbaby)

bookshop:

solongasitswords:

nullbula:

thesylverlining:

what happened in roughly 1870 though

why was there temporary internet

with a few people searching for pokemon?

It’s a search of Google books, but the question still stands, what the Fuck happened in 1870

I CAN ANSWER THIS!!

In the Cornish dialect of English, Pokemon meant ‘clumsy’ (pure coincidence).

In the mid 1800s there was a surge of writing about the Cornish language and dialect in an attempt to preserve them with glossaries and dictionaries being written. I wrote about it HERE.

I just love that this post happened to find the ONE HUMAN ON THE INTERNET who had the answer to this question

(Source: neilcicierega)

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